saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just want nice things and good sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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