3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
