His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
