You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
me + whiskey = a bad person
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
