I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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