if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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