We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
