you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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