you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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