I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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