chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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