Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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