I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I supernannyed him into submission
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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