my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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