he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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