I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
