You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
