you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
