So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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