He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
