ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
