I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
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