Banned from zoo.
Again?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
