he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
