I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
