What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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