sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
