I wish I could punch you in the face.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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