there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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