How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
