I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
