hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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