He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
