Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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