I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
