low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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