He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
