I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So squirting runs in the family.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
