i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
