Please, let me fuck your mom
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
