are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
