You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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