i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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