Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I believe in your delicious
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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