Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
