We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need to calm my uterus...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
