haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
