nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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