you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
