eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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