I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
