It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
