chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
