Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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