Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
