Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize