You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
