Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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