Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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