Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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