ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
