Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
