remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
