sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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