I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
