your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
