Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
