all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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