Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
