I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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