Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
