the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
