Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize