It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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