Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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