she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
