Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
