I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
