I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
