Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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