Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
