I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
