allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
