I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
