the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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