A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
