Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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