I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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