One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize