My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
