So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
