my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
