She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
